Mag sie mich oder ist sie nur nett? – Indikatoren für Interesse

Aus den Suchbegriffen wurde mir mit „Mag sie mich oder ist sie nur nett“ eine weitere interessante Frage zugespielt. Es ist in gewisser Weise eine Frage, die der Friendzone häufig noch etwas vorgelagert ist, sie stellt sich häufig bei zB Kolleginnen oder Bekannten, mit denen man einen gewissen Kontakt hat, und bei denen man das Gefühl hat, dass sie etwas zu nett sind.

Sie war schon einmal in den Suchbegriffen aufgetaucht, damals hatte ich sie anlässlich der Probleme eines Chinesen besprochen. Da hatte ich zu vorsichtigen Tests geraten, wenn man relativ unsicher ist und insbesondere auch darauf zu achten, ob sie bereit ist, etwas mit einem alleine zu unternehmen. Sie ist glaube ich auch deswegen immer wieder interessant, weil Ansprechangst und der Umstand, dass Männer recht schnell instinktiv ein gewisses Interesse vermuten und dadurch auch schnell das Gefühl haben dieses zu überschätzen, es zu einer schwierig einzuschätzenden Angelegenheit machen

Interessant ist es aber sicherlich auch, dass einmal unter dem weiteren Gesichtspunkt der „indicators of Interest“ zu behandelen.

1. Was sind Zeichen dafür, dass sie Interesse an einem hat?

Klassische Indikatoren sind:

  • Sie sucht deine Nähe, beispielsweise indem sie sich in deine Nähe stellt. Überhaupt gilt der Grundsatz: Wenn eine Frau Zeit mit dir verbringt, die sie nicht mit dir verbringen muss, dann spricht dies für Interesse
  • Sie zeigt in deiner Näher mehr Haut, kleidet sich sexueller als sonst. Es kann einen Rückschluss zulassen, dass sie eben auch sexuelles Interesse wecken will. Natürlich ist es wenig aussagekräftig, wenn sie immer so rumläuft oder man sie immer mit einer Gruppe oder zu einer Aktivität, zu der man sexy gekleidet ist, trifft
  • Sie ist auf dich ausgerichtet, obwohl andere Personen dabei sind.
  • Sie spiegelt deine Bewegungen (trinkt, wenn du trinkst etc)
  • Sie hält einen längeren Augenkontakt als man dies normalerweise machen würde
  • Sie lächelt dich viel an
  • Sie berührt dich in irgendeiner Weise
  • Sie möchte Komfort herstellen: Sie spricht über persönliche Sachen und will persönliche Sachen wissen, sie will Sachen über das für die eigentliche Beziehung (Bekannte, Freundin) von einem Wissen. Sie versucht herauszufinden, ob man gemeinsame Vorstellungen und Werte hat oder wie man über bestimmte Sachen, etwa Beziehungen denkt. Sie versucht, dass Gespräch am Laufen zu halten, wenn es zu Pausen kommt
  • Sie erwähnt deine von dir noch nicht erwähnte Freundin (um herauszufinden, ob du eine hast)

Es gibt natürlich tausende weitere Zeichen dafür, dass sie Interesse hat. Hier ein paar Ausführungen von Mystery zu dem Thema:

When a girl becomes attracted to someone, she will begin to give indicators of interest. These can be fairly easy to spot, and are useful as a gauge of her internal state. Although sometimes the girl is deliberately trying to give you a hint, many times when she gives IOIs, she is not even consciously aware of what she is doing. It is useful to note that we often give IOIs unconsciously as well. But with practice, we become desensitized to the presence of beautiful women, and avoid this problem.

Here are some IOI’s. Notice that some of these require more attraction than others. For example, she might be attracted enough to ask you your name, but no t enough to leave the venue with you and bounce.

• She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking
• She giggles
• She touches you
• She looks back and glances at you repeatedly every minute or so
• She tosses her hair (to see if you will look)
• If eye contact happens from a distance, she holds it for a second
• She smiles at you
• She stands nearby (proximity)
• She interrupts your conversation from nearby, or laughs at something you said
• While walking by, she turns her body towards you or brushes against you
• She says something to her friend then they both giggle
• She asks you for a light, or the time, or in any way initiates a conversation
• While you’re talking to her group, she is particularly talkative (to get your attention)
• She asks you for your name
• She asks you your age [make her guess]
• She compliments you
• She is playful and tries to challenge you
• She’s disagreeing but laughing
• She’s punching your arm but laughing
• She uses nicknames for you
• She plays with her hair while talking to you
• When sitting next to you her leg touches yours
• She repeatedly touches you in any way
• She asks if you have a girlfriend
• She mentions your girlfriend without knowing if you actually have one
• When she has to go to the bathroom, she comes back
• She holds eye contact when she speaks with you for longer periods of time
• She avoids mentioning her boyfriend
• If it comes up that you like something, she mentions that she likes it too or needs someone to show her how
• When she says or does something, she looks at you to see your reaction
• She looks at you from the side, to hide the fact that she’s looking
• She introduces you to friends
• She buys you a drink
• She calls you a player or a heartbreaker
• On her way out, she re-approaches to tell you that she is leaving [get her number]
• On your way out, she asks you where you are going [invite her]
• She returns your calls
• She invents reasons to be near you, interact with you, or have isolation with you

The most important IOIs are:

  • She laughs while talking to you
  • She reinitiates conversation when you stop talking
  • She touches you
  • She tries to get rapport and build comfort with you

Sometimes an IOI isn’t when she does something, but rather when she doesn’t do something. These are called Passive IOIs. Passive IOIs are very important because often they are the only IOIs you will get. Here are a few examples:
• Her friend goes to the bathroom, but she stays
• Her friends go to the bar, or the dance floor — but she stays
• She waits for you if you go to the bathroom
• She doesn’t flinch or pull back if you happen to move too close
• She doesn’t resist when you escalate physically (or she gives token resistance
to avoid feeling like a slut.)

Fake IOIs
Be warned that girls will occasionally use IOIs to ‚lie‘ to you. For example, a girl might give you IOIs while she is asking you to buy her a drink. She’s not attracted to you, but merely manipulating you. And of course, if you are easily manipulated, she will find you less attractive. She might give you IOIs just to keep you around as free entertainment.
A girl might give you IOIs when she is ditching you. For example, when she says „We have to go to the bathroom now,“ some tiny part of her knows that she is really ditching you, so she might touch you on the arm as she says good-bye, to give you some validation.
A girl will also give IOIs sometimes just to see it she can get you to return them. If you return her IOIs too easily, without making her work for it, you have just become another notch on her belt. Don’t jump on her and start humping her leg like a horny little puppy dog.

Indicators of Disinterest (lODs)
Similarly, there are Indicators oiDisinterest, also known as IODs. Here are a few examples of these:
• Avoidance- She avoids eve contact. She avoids your calls. She avoids you in general.
• If she can pretend that she didn’t hear what you just said, she will.
• She won’t contribute to the conversation.
• She gets impatient easily. She walks away or looks away. She leans away, turns her back.
or talks to someone else.
She is non-responsive, or she
repetitively says „uh-huh“ instead
of giving you a real response.
She won’t move with you, even
two feet away. She won’t invest.

2. Was mache ich, wenn sie zeigt, dass sie Interesse an mir hat?

Wenn man meint, dass sie an einem interessiert ist, dann kann es interessant sein, sich zu vergewärtigen, in welcher „Flirtphase“ man sich gerade befindet. Interesse von ihr wäre „Frau zu Mann-Interesse“ („Female to Male Interest“). Die nächste Phase wäre, ihr zu zeigen, dass man sie auch für etwas, was sie schätzt, gut findet („Mann zu Frau Interesse“ oder „Male to Female Interest“). Also eben nicht „Geiler Arsch!“ sondern eher etwas, was ihre Persönlichkeit oder ihr Leben betrifft. Mystery dazu:

Once interest has been generated, the game is not over. If only it were that easy. In fact, it is not attraction that gets the girl. She must become invested in this interaction, and then comfort must be built. The attraction is useful — to bait her into investing. Other than that, attraction is but a vapor. She might be making out with you tonight but that doesn’t mean she’ll return your calls tomorrow.

It could be said that attraction is only a tool. In A3 you will use her interest, combined with takeaways and screening, to bait the target into demonstrating value of her own. When she demonstrates value in an attempt to win you over, reward her with IOIs, then bait her again as the process repeats. In this way, her reward is tied to her investment. As she demonstrates value, she is rewarded vet baited to demonstrate more value. This all comes back to pair bonding. A woman takes a much larger risk evolutionarily (and therefore emotionally) when she has sex. It’s not enough that she is attracted to you — the pair bond must be there as well. She must have some assurance that when she is pregnant back in the cave, you will stick around to bring her your fresh kills from the hunt. Otherwise you could impregnate her, move on to your next dalliance, and she’s screwed.

Of course, we are speaking only of emotions. Is it really true that the pair bond „must“ be there? Obviously not, one-night stands happen every day. What is the meaning then?
The meaning is that she still has this emotional circuitry and it is a factor in her behavior. Her emotions prefer a man of high value — high enough that it requires effort and investment in order to win him over. And her emotions do want to win him over — she wants to feel that he is pair bonding to her. In other words, she wants to feel that she is important to him not just as an attractive woman, but as a specific woman. She needs to feel that it wasn’t easy, she had to invest and there was some fear of loss, but now he is „falling“ for her and she represents a unique value to him. This is all instinctive.

Das ist ein Punkt, den viele Männer falsch machen: Sie legen die gleichen Denkvorgänge an, die sie selbst hätten und gehen insofern davon aus, dass Interesse an sich zu zeigen ausreicht, weil männliches Interesse oft bereits mit optischen Faktoren erreicht werden kann. Solche Faktoren sind aber uninteressant für viele Frauen, da sie bei Männern viel zu oft nur mit einer Kurzzeitstrategie einhergehen können. Sie möchte in gewisser Weise ein Zeichen einer Wertschätzung, die über diese Ebene hinaus geht, weil dies bestimmte unterbewusste Prozesse beruhigt. Noch besser ist es natürlich, wenn sie das Gefühl hat, dass sie etwas gemacht hat, um dieses Interesse auch zu verdienen, wenn sie also das Gefühl hat, das sie sich letztendlich um ihn bemüht hat. Im Pickup nennt man das „Qualifizieren“. Sie sagt etwas und dadurch steigt sie in der Achtung des Mannes. Sie ist also aufgrund bestimmter Eigenschaften erst zu etwas besonderen für ihn geworden, was sie vorher nicht war. Das gibt ihr das Gefühl, dass sie etwas erreicht hat, was sie verliert, wenn der Flirt scheitert und macht den Kontakt damit subjektiv wertvoller.

Ein einfaches Beispiel ist, es wenn man beispielsweise Negs verwendet hat, cocky comedy, wenn man also auf eine lustige Weise frech und etwas herausfordernd war und sie gut dagegen gehalten hat. Zeigt sie dann die oben genannten Signale, dass sie Interesse hat, dann kann eine Qualifizierung so etwas wie der Satz „Endlich mal eine Frau, die einem was entgegenhalten kann und nicht auf dem Mund gefallen ist! Nicht schlecht!“ sein. Aber es kann auch etwas anderes sein, etwa ihr Studium oder ein Hobby, welches man interessant findet.

Damit wäre dann eine Grundlage gelegt: Sie hat mitgeteilt, dass sie einen gut findet, sie hat das Gefühl, dass man sie auch aus den richtigen Gründen gut findet, der nächste Schritt wäre dann also weiteres Vertrauen aufzubauen und schließlich über Berührungen zur eigentlichen Verführung zu kommen.

(Kurze Anmerkung: Pickup stellt hier ein bestimmtes Schema dar. Wie man es einsetzt liegt natürlich bei dem einzelnen. Man kann tatsächlich Sachen loben, die man an ihr interessant findet (ich beispielsweise finde es klasse, wenn eine Frau Sprüche machen kann), man kann Sachen loben, die man jetzt nicht super interessant findet, aber gleichzeitig sie selbst sehr interessant finden und so den Prozess fördern oder man kann theoretisch die Person langweilig finden und nur Sex wollen und einfach auf etwas springen, was den Mechanismus bedient (etwa bei einer Frau, die einfach nicht kompromissbereit und egoistisch ist loben, dass sie eine „starke Frau“ ist). Letzteres ist natürlich dann ein moralisches Problem, welches man mit sich selbst aushandeln muss, es ist aber im Pickup nicht vorausgesetzt)

Mystery zur Neg Theorie

Hier mal ein klassischer Text von Mystery zum Thema Neg und Frauenansprechen:

 

February 18th, 2005, posted in FastSeduction.com

“Neg Theory” by Mystery

An HB is there, surrounded by her friends. She has put on this BITCH act. Is she REALLY a bitch? Unlikely. All my girlfriends were wonderful human beings. Beautiful people have it easier because they are beautiful and often times have better upbringings because of it.

BUT – she needs to have a standard when all these NOBODY guys approach her. So her values are very honed and understood. When a man walks up and says, “Can I buy you a beer” this WILL annoy her. While the guy thinks he’s doing something nice for her, she gets this ALL the time. She is desensitized to this. You are the 8th guy TODAY!

So she is very good at brushing all these guys off. She HAS to be… she isn’t going to sleep with ALL of them! So she may say NO, or act annoyed, and then the guy thinks she’s a bitch and he walks off pissed and feeling like a failure. And that seems to work. Sometimes when the girl is particularly in a feeling of control (like in a club where she is PREPARED for the barrage of men – it IS after all something that occurs so often that when it is GONE she MISSES it) she will accept the beer and then flake the guy off. Hey, the guys are stupid enough to buy her one; she might as well take it.

When she accepts a beer from you, the girl is saying to you, “I don’t know you and I don’t care about you. You are just another one of those typical guys and since I don’t respect you, I’ll take the beer from you before I snub you.” Since an HB is so GOOD at snuffing your approach, SNUFFING THEM is important. You CANNOT INSULT them, because they are used to all the hurt guys INSULTING them (“ahh you are nothing but a bitch!”) so this rolls off their back like water off a muskrat’s ass.

How do you SNUFF them WITHOUT INSULTING them? Well, let’s say she has long nails which are most likely fake. Now why do 10s dress so FINE if they don’t want the attention? Sometimes they LOVE the feeling of control. They are in a club with friends and they want to be the leader of the circle (social hierarchy in primates) and so she gets all the attention. The guys come and buy drinks for them and she gets off on knocking the guys down. It’s all in a days play. Ok, so she is wearing fake nails to look even BETTER! Most guys will say, “Wow you are so beautiful!” BORING, typical and in her mind by now, TRUE.

Imagine now, a guy comes along and says “Nice nails. Are they real?” She will have to concede, “No, acrylic.” And he says (like he didn’t notice it was a put down), “Oh. (Pause) well I guess they still LOOK good.” Then he turns his back to her.

What does this do to her? Well, he didn’t treat her like shit and INSULT her. He complimented her, but the result was to target her insecurity. She thinks, “I’M HOT I’M BEAUTIFUL” – (especially in her current emotional state of control) – “but I didn’t win this guy over. I’M SO GOOD at this. I’ll just fix that little smear on my image that he has of me.”

Then you continue to show disinterest in her looks as you give her a neutral topic like the Elvis script. During this time, her intention is to get you to become like all the other guys so she can feel in control and snuff you.

Then you give her another NEG HIT like this: “Is that a hair piece? Well, its neat… what do you call this hairstyle? The waffle? :)” Smile and look at her to show her you are sincerely being funny and not insulting. You are pleasant but disinterested in her beauty.

This will intrigue her because she KNOWS guys. And this isn’t normal. You must have really high taste, or be used to girls, or be married or something. These questions make her CURIOUS. So this keeps happening and is known as FLIRTING. She gives you little Negs and these tests are qualifiers. You pass them by Negging her back. After all, you aren’t like the others showing interest. But…why?

To get control again, she says, “Will you buy me a drink?” Notice how she is trying to get you now! BUT, she only wants to sucker you in enough so she can SNUFF you. That is all she is about – this strategy is all she knows and it’s not working for you so she is trying to do damage control on the situation. But at the same time she doesn’t quite understand WHY you don’t think she’s “all that.” After all, her nails ARE fake.

You say, “Ahhh, that’s so funny … your nose wiggles when you speak……” – (pointing and being cute) – “look there it goes again … its so… quaint … hheeeee look.” She’ll say, “Ahhh, stoppp!” 🙂 *blush*. Now she is self-conscious and having her in this state is where you want her. You have, with 3 negs, successfully created INTEREST (curiosity) and removed her from her pedestal (removed her bitch shield.) You were humorous, you had a smile, you dress well, you are confident and everything she would want in a man.

You didn’t take her shit. OH…and when she asked you for a beer, you said, “No. I don’t buy girls drinks. But you can buy ME one.” You are qualifying HER now. If she buys you a beer, this is symbolic of her RESPECT for you.

If not, you say, “Pleasure meeting you” [NOT arcastically] and turn your back to her again. DON’T walk away, just turn your back. You are negging her again just when she thought she was negging YOU. That is teasing each other. That is the first step to flirting. This is all textbook psychology.

A NEG is a qualifier. The girl is FAILING to meet your high expectations.

It’s not an insult, just a judgment call on your part. The better looking the girl, the more aggressive you must be with using negs. A 10 can get 3 negs up front, while an 8 gets only 1 or 2 over a longer time. You CAN go overboard if they think you are BETTER than them. You can drop the self-esteem right from under them (just like most 10s do to guys) and this isn’t good. You have to get as close to the breaking point as you can without crossing the line. Once you have gotten her RIGHT THERE, you can start appreciating things about her (NEVER LOOKS.) There is a mutual RESPECT now. Something most guys never get from the girl.

This is how you remove a bitch shield. 3 negs ought to do it within 2 or 3 minutes of neutral chat. Once it is down, you can, from a place of mutual respect, seduce her.

Mystery

 

Pickup: Mystery und das 3M Modell

Eine gute Übersicht über eines der klassischsten Modelle für ein Kennenlernen, Mysterys 3m Modell, findet sich auf der Seite Seductionbase:

The attraction phase is divided into :

A1 – Approach

A2 – Attracting the HB or Female-to-male Interest

A3 – Male-to-Female Interest

The comfort phase is divided into :

C1 – Building rapport

C2 – Building emotional connection and physical connection

C3 – Intimacy

The seduction phase is divided into :

S1 – Foreplay

S2 – LMR

S3 – Sex

Step1: Approach

This is the first part of the courtship process. If you are seducing a HB, you must focus on creating mutual attraction at first.

A1: Opening

The goals of the A1 phase are approached a group, use opener to start a conversation with the set. Here are a few rules in this phase:

1. Peacocking: Peacocking is the use of flashy or outlandish clothing to attract women.

2. The 3 second rule: You must immediately approach the target or in a set within 3 seconds when entering the venue.

3. Neg: an ambiguous statement or seemingly accidental insult wrapped in the package of a complement, with the intent of actively demonstrating to the hot babe lack of interest in her.

4. Opener or opinion opener: Canned or environmental materials used to start a conversation with the HB or the set.

5. False Time Constraint: „I can only stay for a minute,“

6. Body Language:

Using Body rocking to create the impression that you are about to leave

A2: Female-to-Male Interest

In A2 phase, you should create attraction. Some pickup routine in this stage like:

1. DHV: Demonstrate high value, using gimmick, magic, psychic routine, humor ……

2. Storytelling

3. AMOGing

4. Coky&Funny

5. Push-and-Pull

A3: Male-to-Female Interest

In this phase, The hot babe must be baited into demonstrating her own value. By this way, you’re just attracted to her by her personality or charm, other than her looks. You must have her earn you interest and be interested in something besides her looks. Here are some routines

1. Hoop theory

2. Bait – Hook – Reel – Release

3. Qualify her:

Why to qualify her

Some Qualifying Routines

Communicating that you are Qualifying them

4. Having Standards

5. …..

Step2: Comfort

The ultimate goal of comfort is both of you can relax together, sharing intimacies without worrying. Before you build comfort, isolate the target from her friends possible, whether physically or verbally. You can suggest introduce her a friend over there.

C1 – building rapport

In C1 phase of the Mystery Method M3 Model, you should focus on create a sense of rapport with each other. According to the pickup artists, „the game is played in rapport.“ Here are some awesome articles related to build rapport.

1. Style’s Eliciting Values Routines

2. The Question Game: 6 New Questions To Build Rapport

3. Using The Lying Game to build rapport

C2 – building a emotional and physical connection

In this step, you must create a emotional connection with the target at first. Here are some routines to create a emotional connection:

1. Esp Routine

2. The Cube

3. Three Smiles Routine

4. The question Game

And then you can escalate to physical connection. Here are some routines:

1. Evolution Phase Shift Routine

2. Kino-tests

C3- Intimacy

The C3 location is at a sex location. So the kissing turns into heave making-out and etc, and you guys are alone, it’s time to chose the game.

Step3: Seduction

S1 – Foreplay

Make sure you have build enough comfort before you get the HB into a sex location. And then, Okay, so do your things

S2 – LMR

LMR stands for Last Minute Resistance. Once you have it, she may say „we should stop …“ or „We better be careful about where this is going“. Some general tactics for LMR have always been:

1. Using Freeze-Out to Overcome LMR

2. Busting Last Minute Resistance using Style’s famous story

3. Ignore it and keep going. (-you’re right, we should stop)

S3 – Sex