Wie man das andere Geschlecht als Jugendlicher respektiert – Tipps für beide Seiten

Eine Seite veröffentlichte Tipps für Jungs, wie sie Mädchen respektvoll behandelt sollten:

1. Treat girls as human because that is what they are. They breathe and they have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you speak and act.

2. No slut-shaming*. Girls have the right to wear whatever they like without fear of being sexually assaulted. What they are wearing or the fact that they enjoy sex is not an invitation for you to make unwanted sexual advances or speak about or to a girl in slut-shaming terms.

3. When a girl says ‘NO’ to anything she means ‘NO!’ She does not mean ‘maybe’ or ‘I’m not sure’. Girls can say ‘NO’ at any time during sexual contact. This means you STOP immediately.

4. Girls are equal to you in brain power. In fact, many will exceed you. This may be news to you but they can also be physically stronger than you. They can also be better at sport.

5. Many girls love to have fun and party. This does not mean you can come onto them (make sexual advances) when they are drunk or high. In fact, this is a good time to look out for them as you would any human in a similar situation.

6. Girls are not here on this earth for your pleasure. They are not sexual objects. It may be news to you but they do not like cat-calling*, gossiping with others about their bodies or appearance, being stared at while going about their daily routines.

7. Pornography is not real. It is not what a loving respectful relationship looks like. What you may have seen are two or more actors. Even though the woman appears to enjoy sex that objectifies and degrades her, in real-life this most likely is not the case. A loving relationship is where two people enjoy time together and both enjoy sex that is mutually respectful.

8. Do not tell a girl you love/like her, get her to take a naked selfie and then post it on the internet so you look impressive to your friends. I repeat, DO NOT do this despicable and illegal act.

9. Do not take pictures of girls without their permission. Do not post such pictures on the internet. I repeat, DO NOT do this despicable and illegal act.

10. Lastly, be a kind, good human being to all other human beings this includes girls.

 

Eine Antwort darauf waren diese Vorschläge für Mädchen, wie sie Jungs respektvoll behandeln sollten:

1. Treat boys as human because that is what they are. They breathe and have feelings. Your words and actions can cause lasting damage. Think before you act and speak. Just because they don’t outwardly show every emotion they have doesn’t mean they don’t have them.

2. No sex shaming. Boys have every right to look at what they find to be sexually attractive without being shamed for it. Masturbation is perfectly natural and essential to male health and longevity. They have a right to enjoy sex without being called a pig or gross. Just because a guy finds a girl more attractive than you isn’t an invitation for you to mock or harass him about it. Male sexuality is also not an invitation to sexually assault him, either. He may have consented to you sexually touching him but that doesn’t mean he consented to you giving him “blue balls.” It’s painful, and he didn’t consent to that. If you want him to respect your body you need to respect his.

3. When boys say “No,” they mean no. Just because TV, parents, and your feminist teachers tell you all boys want is sex doesn’t make it true. Boys have every right to say no just like girls do, only when boys say “No,” unlike girls they almost always mean it. You may say one thing and mean another or “talk between the lines,” but boys are generally much more straightforward. If a boy says no, it doesn’t matter what you want at that point. You need to either stop touching him or respect his boundaries. It’s rape when you force a boy to have sex against his will.

4. Boys are equal in awareness of emotions. In fact, many boys may have emotional responses to things you don’t. They may even surpass in emotional awareness and empathy. They can even be better at you at fassion.

5. Don’t gaslight him. Don’t dress and act like a whore and then tell him he’s hateful for observing your actions. If you dress like a whore and you act like a whore, everyone is going to think you’re a whore. No matter who you are, when you go out into the world, people are going to judge you. You are going to judge them. We live in a society of people with social expectations of what is and isn’t socially acceptable. You don’t have to dress and act like a whore to get a boys attention, and if you do they will most likely get the wrong idea about you.  Also, don’t become a walking example of false advertising. Makeup is only supposed to enhance your natural beauty. If people can’t tell you are wearing makeup, chances are you have the right amount on. You don’t have to put on two coats. You’re not waxing a car.

6. Boys are not here on Earth to buy you every little thing you want. They are not your emotional baggage handler. They are not your personal slave. They don’t owe you money. It isn’t their job to buy you things. Get a job and buy your own stuff. Boys aren’t emotional playthings.

7. Boys aren’t emotional playthings. Don’t try to emotionally manipulate boys into getting what you want. Don’t use boys as decoy boyfriends to throw off your parents. It’s mean and hurtful.

8. Twilight is not real. These are characters in a book. They are not real people. The “dangerous” character who falls in love with the girl is nothing more that a whitewash of the bad boy image who will take care of his girl friend. In real life bad boys act out in all sorts of violent and destructive ways. They are only nice to you because they want something from you. Sure, it seems exciting to be with a guy who always breaks the rules, but when these angry, damaged, violent boys get mad at you (and they will as it is inevitalable in all relationships of all kinds) they will turn violent on you. To know the difference beteen a boy who will treat you right versus a boy who won’t, look at how that boy treats others who won’t benefit him. Nice boys are always nice unless you give them a reason not to be, bad boys are always bad until they have a reason to pretend other wise.

9. Take responsibility for your own actions. Nobody can convince you to do something risky without your consent. Waking up coyote ugly is not rape. Don’t be reckless with your body. You can’t expect others to respect your body when you don’t. If you’re getting black out drunk and can’t remember the night before, don’t assume the guy next to you raped you. Don’t drink if you’re underage. Don’t drink if you can’t handle alcohol.

10. Stand up for yourself and fight your own battles. Don’t tell a boyfriend to go beat someone up just because you don’t like them. Don’t lie to a boyfriend about being raped or sexually assaulted because a boy said something to you that you didn’t like, or “made you angry.” This isn’t just a lack of respect for boys it also demeans all girls who have had boys sexually assault them, because with every false claim, those girls are taken less seriously and are much less likely to be believed. Sex should never be a tool to harm someone.

11. Nobody can make you mad, glad, or sad. Nobody has control over your emotions but you. Sure others can try and manipulate your emotions, but they are still your emotions and nobody can offend you without your permission. Take control of your brain, your thoughts, and your emotions. it isn’t just about personal strength but demonstrates a level of maturity.

12. Be a kind good human being to everyone boy or girl. Everyone deserves at least some respect, but remember respect is mostly earned not given.

Teilweise zeigen sich hier die üblichen Kriegsschauplätze (zB No means No), teilweise sind es natürlich sinnvolle Tipps (man sollte selbstverständlich niemals vertrauliche Fotos von jemanden nicht vertraulich behandeln und schon gar nicht ins Internet stellen, man sollte aber auch überlegen, ob man gewisse Fotos sendet und wie hoch das Risiko ist, dass sie in anderen Händen landen etc)

Was haltet ihr von den Tipps?

„Wir sollten alle Feministen sein“

(das ist der Tedx-Talk, auf dem das Buch beruht, welches in Schweden an alle Schüler verteilt werden soll)

Aus der ersten Buchbesprechung bei Amazon:

In We Should All Be Feminists beschreibt Adichie zunächst Geschichten aus ihrem Leben, die sie u.A. dazu gebracht haben Feministin zu sein. Sie spricht über die Schere zwischen Frauen und Männern in Machtpositionen und wie wir anfangen müssen unsere Kinder anders zu erziehen – ohne ihnen Geschlechterrollen aufzuzwingen.

Obwohl Adichie hier ihren Fokus auf eigene Erfahrungen und Nigeria legt, weil es das ist was sie kennt, kann man alles was sie sagt auch auf jede Gesellschaft in jedem anderen Land beziehen.

So z.B. spricht sie davon, dass Geschlechterrollen unseren Kindern mehr schaden und das wir aufhören müssen auf ihnen zu beharren. In dem wir meinen, Männer müssten stärker und härter sein, nehmen wir ihnen ihre Menschlichkeit. Unsere Definition von Maskulinität ist sehr eng. Wir lehren ihnen Angst vor Ängsten und Schwächen, Verletzlichkeit zu haben. Dies führt dazu das Männer oft mit mehr mentalen Gesundheitsproblemen zu kämpfen haben, weil wir ihnen beibringen, dass Sensibilität eine Schwäche sei – sei dies auch nur mit einem kleinen Satz wie „Große Jungs weinen nicht!“. Weil wir Jungs diese Idee von Maskulinität aufzwingen, enden die meisten mit sehr zerbrechlichen, zarten Egos.

Dann erziehen wir unsere Mädchen so, dass wir ihnen beibringen, sich um diese zerbrechlichen Egos zu sorgen. Wir machen sie klein.
Wir bringen Mädchen bei nie „zu viel“ von etwas zu sein. Mädchen können Ehrgeiz haben, aber sie sollten nicht zu viel davon haben. Mädchen können erfolgreich sein, aber sie sollten nicht zu erfolgreich sein. Wir müssen eine Rolle spielen, sodass wir Männer nicht „entmannen“.

Sie schreibt, dass wir uns von dieser Prämisse verabschieden sollten. Das der Erfolg einer Frau keine Gefahr für den Mann sein muss.
Wenn wir einfach nur anfangen unsere Kinder anders zu erziehen, könnte sich die Ungleichheit von Geschlechtern binnen 10 Jahren in Luft auflösen – hoffentlich.

Ich glaube, ich erzähle ziemlich viel nach, obwohl da natürlich noch viel mehr ist, dass Adichie anschneidet! Aber ich fand es beeindruckend Adichies Gedanken zu Feminismus zu lesen und ich war begeistert davon wie sehr ich ihr zustimme. Adichie bringt mit diesem Text einen dazu nachzudenken und Geschlechterrollen anzuzweifeln, wenn man das denn nicht schon bereits tut. Ich denke, We Should All Be Feminists sollte jeder lesen und den Titel beim Namen nehmen.

Was ich zuvor nicht wusste ist, dass dieser Text ein Transkript der Rede ist, die Adichie bei Tedx gehalten hat und ich habe mir gleich nach dem Lesen auch gleich das Video auf Youtube angeschaut und ich kann nur sagen: Was für eine Frau!

Adichies Worte sind weise. Sie ist intelligent und stark, harsch aber wahr und sie hat unglaublich viel Charme und Witz. Die Art von Feminismus von der Adichie redet ist keine, die leicht zu verdauen ist, denn sie rüttelt an vielen Denkweisen, die tief in jede Gesellschafft verzeigt sind, aber wenn man ihr wirklich zuhört, sei dies in dem man We Should All Be Feminists liest oder es auf Youtube anschaut, merkt man wie viel Wahrheit dahinter steckt.

Ich denke, Adichie ist eine Frau, der man viel mehr Aufmerksamkeit schenken sollte und sie ist ein großartiges Vorbild für jedes junge Mädchen da draußen. Deshalb finde ich es auch klasse, das Weltstars wie Beyoncé, dessen Musik von vielen jungen Menschen gehört wird, auch Adichie an die breite Masse bringt, denn die Frau die man ‚Flawless‘ sprechen hört ist sie!

Ich bin absolut begeistert von Adichie und We Should All Be Feminists und kann es nur an jeden weiterempfehlen!

Zu der Aktion gibt es einen interessanten Text, der meint, man müsse Jungs schon das Recht geben, Nein zum Feminismus zu sagen und ihren eigenen Weg zu wählen:

As a lapsed male feminist myself, I feel I should start with aconfessional.

Firstly, I think Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie is an extraordinary human being. I defy anyone with an open mind and an open heart to watch her speak and not be impressed by her intelligence, humour, courage, creativity, compassion, self awareness and beauty.

When she proudly declares: “I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my femaleness and for my femininity and I want to respected in all of my femaleness because I deserve to be”, there’s a part of me that wishes I was a strong, black woman so I could whoop along with the Sisterhood.

However, as a straight, white male from working-class roots living a fairly middle-class lifestyle (a demographic one of my mates describes as “half-classed”), I’m left wondering if there is a stage anywhere in the world where a young man could be applauded for saying:

“I have chosen to no longer be apologetic for my maleness and for my masculinity and I want to be respected in all of my maleness because I deserve to be!”

It may sound comical but in a truly egalitarian world we would welcome such declarations of male and female empowerment with parity. And yet my personal experience of the feminist worldview that dominates gender politics, is that rather than encourage the empowerment of men, it expects us to apologise for our maleness, our masculinity and our manhood.

So the day I gave up apologising for being my own man – both to socially-conservative traditionalists and to progressive, liberal feminists – was the day I became an unapologetic, card-carrying non-feminist.

Ja, warum eigentlich nicht? Im Feminismus wäre die Antwort klar: Weil dort Männlichkeit absolut negativ besetzt ist und vergleichbar ist mit der Erklärung, dass man stolz auf seine Ausbeuterei und Unterdrückung anderer Menschen ist. Dabei gibt es natürlich viele positive Aspekte von Männlichkeit, die man ebenso hervorheben könnte und als Mann leben zu wollen ist nicht schlimmer als als Frau leben zu wollen.

Der Text behandelt dieses Problem nicht und stellt dafür auf die freie Wahl in den Vordergrund und den Umstand, dass man nicht einen „Käfig“ durch einen anderen ersetzen sollte.

I believe every child, everywhere in the world, deserves the right to be taught to think for themselves and then use those skills to decided what they want to believe or not believe.

Adichie, for example, has some really interesting beliefs about boysthat are worth considering. She says: “We do a great disservice to boys in how we raise them. We stifle the humanity of boys. We define masculinity in a very narrow way. Masculinity is a hard, small cage, and we put boys inside this cage.”

And yet her response to this rigid masculine conditioning is to place boys inside a narrow thought cage called “We Should All Be Feminists”.

Es folgt ein weiteres schönes Plädoyer für freie Wahl in Abgrenzung zum Feminismus:

Adiche claims we do a disservice to boys by making them feel “they have to be hard”, leaving them with a “very fragile ego” in the process. This process, she argues, does “a much greater disservice to girls, because we raise them to cater to the fragile egos of males”.

There may be some truth in that. It’s also my experience that feminism – with it’s trigger warnings and its fundamentalist belief that “we should all be feminists” – is the embodiment of a fragile female ego that is incapable of accepting that anyone else (especially men and boys) should be entitled to the privileged position of being considered vulnerable, sensitive and worthy of protection.

Adiche says she wouldn’t be interested in any man who would feel intimidated by her and rightly so. So why does she expect boys to be interested in a fundamentalist approach to gender politics that is so intimidated by reasoned criticism?

Finde ich einen Text mit sehr viel guten Stellen.