Roland Hefter – Genderpolizei

„Sie will am Valentinstag den neuen Film Magic Mike sehen, bin ich zu Unrecht verärgert?“

Passend zum heutigen Tag noch einmal etwas von Reddit:

We didn’t have sex last Valentine’s Day and only about 8 times last year all together. It’s been almost 3 months since our last session. I’m sure some will point out that the movie could actually be funny (never seen any in the series) for couples, but if she doesn’t like me seeing girls in bikinis on instagram, how can this be fun for me too?

Ich würde sagen auch unabhängig von Sex ist es nicht unbedingt die beste Filmauswahl. Aber das sie nicht gerade viel Sex haben macht es dann sicherlich noch ungünstiger. Üblicherweise sollte man, wenn man denn überhaupt an so einem Päarchentag ins Kino gehen will, einen dazu passenden oder zumindest beiden gefallenen Film aussuchen.

Wenn beide keine Probleme damit hätten, dass der andere attraktive Personen des anderen Geschlechts anschaut, dann wäre es evtl etwas anderes. Aber so kann ich schon verstehen, dass ihn das stört.

Das einfachste wäre es wohl einen anderen Film vorzuschlagen oder eine Abend zu machen, der mehr auf den jeweils anderen bezogen ist.

Aus den Antworten:

I’ll be honest I think given the situation you are 100% justified in not wanting to go.

There is a catch though. I am a huge proponent of oweing our partners open communication. If you really don’t want to go and she asks why you need to honestly tell her why. Tell her that much resentment has built up. Tell her you feel that undesired and unloved that going to something like that and even remotely watching her desire another man would kill you. Just be real about it.i would also explain to her just how hypocritical it is for her to dislike you seeing Instagram models when she wants to attend a movie entirely based on male stripping and dancing.

Und in eine andere Richtung:

If the ultimate goal is to no longer be in a dead bedroom, I see two paths you can take here:

1. Tell your partner, if you don’t want to go along with her plan out of spite, for what may or may not have occurred in the past. OR

2. Tell her that she’s the love of your life and of course you want her to be happy so you’re gladly go to the movie with her. Hold her hand during the movie. And see if she doesn’t feel a little “spicy” when you leave

Of those two options, it seems like only one of them has a guaranteed result. If you are past trying to salvage things and are more interested in “evening the score“, then it doesn’t sound like you love her anymore (or really even like her for that matter).

Just an observation from the cheap seats. Only you know the depths of your connection to each other.

Oder auch:

This might be controversial, but I see it a different way.

I think she’s trying to create a situation where “sex” is a central theme to the night. It sounds like getting her started and interested in sex is a hard task. I’d let those dudes on the screen do the heavy lifting, take her home with confidence and have fun.

“How can this be fun for me too”? Well quite possibly the sex at the end of the night. You may learn more about what she’s needing. Like she may need the extra stimulation so she forgets how insecure she is and can feel sexy. Later you can try to lean into it, provide the stimulation by picking out movies or role playing.

Are you a quiet fella in bed? Do you ever discuss fantasies or desires outside of the bedroom?

Anyway, gender roles and stereotypes shouldn’t be how you navigate life, but they can be useful. It sounds like you’re in a typical heterosexual relationship with an insecure woman and the lack of sex has eroded your confidence. I’d suggest trying to be the type of man that won’t let the obvious hypocrisy slow you down when she may be trying to show you what can get her sexed up for you.

Good luck!