Toxische Weiblichkeit

Ein Artikel in der Quillette nimmt sich des Themas toxische Weiblichkeit an:

Zunächst schildert die Autorin zwei Fälle, in denen es eher um „toxische Männlichkeit“ geht. Sie führt dazu aus:

Yes, toxic masculinity exists. But the use of the term has been weaponized. It is being hurled without care at every man. When it emerged, its use seemed merely imprecise—in most groups of people, there’s some guy waiting for an opportunity to fondle a woman’s ass without her consent, put his hand where he shouldn’t, right? That’s who was being outed as toxic. Those men—and far, far worse—do exist. Obviously. But wait—does every human assemblage contain such men? It does not. This term, toxic masculinity, is being wielded indiscriminately, and with force. We are not talking imprecision now, we are talking thoroughgoing inaccuracy.

Most men are not toxic. Their maleness does not make them toxic, any more than one’s ‘whiteness’ makes one racist. Assume for the moment that we could agree on terms: Is maleness more highly correlated with toxic masculinity than is femaleness? Yes. Ipso facto—the term is about maleness, so men will display more of it than will women. The logical leap is then concluding that all men are toxic. The very communities where ‘toxic masculinity’ is being discussed most are the communities where the men are, in my experience, compassionate, egalitarian, and not at all toxic.

Calling good men toxic does everyone a deep disservice. Everyone except those who seek empowerment through victim narratives.

Das ist in der Tat der große Fehler in den feministischen Theorien: Sie verallgemeinern von den Einzelnen auf die Gruppe und erklären das Verhalten einzelner zu einem Massenphänomen, welches so eben gerade nicht vorliegt. Sie machen alle Männer für ein bestimmtes Verhalten einzelner Männer verantwortlich.

Dann leitet sie über zur „toxischen Weiblichkeit“:

All of which leads us directly to a topic not much discussed: toxic femininity.

Sex and gender roles have been formed over hundreds of thousands of years in human evolution, indeed, over hundreds of millions of years in our animal lineage. Aspects of those roles are in rapid flux, but ancient truths still exist. Historical appetites and desires persist. Straight men will look at beautiful women, especially if those women are a) young and hot and b) actively displaying. Display invites attention.

Hotness-amplifying femininity puts on a full display, advertising fertility and urgent sexuality. It invites male attention by, for instance, revealing flesh, or by painting on signals of sexual receptivity. This, I would argue, is inviting trouble. No, I did not just say that she was asking for it. I did, however, just say that she was displaying herself, and of course she was going to get looked at.

Die Autorin ist übrigens im Bereich der Evolutionsbiologie tätig. Sie hat insofern sicherlich einen ganz anderen Blick auf das Geschlechtliche als viele Feministinnen. Sie stellt insofern auch dar, dass jemand, der Reize aussendet, auch damit rechnen muss, dass man diese wahrnimmt.

The amplification of hotness is not, in and of itself, toxic, although personally, I don’t respect it, and never have. Hotness fades, wisdom grows— wise young women will invest accordingly. Femininity becomes toxic when it cries foul, chastising men for responding to a provocative display.

Where we set our boundaries is a question about which reasonable people might disagree, but two bright-lines are widely agreed upon: Every woman has the right not to be touched if she does not wish to be; and coercive quid pro quo, in which sexual favors are demanded for the possibility of career advancement, is unacceptable. But when women doll themselves up in clothes that highlight sexually-selected anatomy, and put on make-up that hints at impending orgasm, it is toxic—yes, toxic—to demand that men do not look, do not approach, do not query.

Wer Werbung macht, der darf sich nicht wundern, wenn Leute an dem Produkt interessiert sind, er darf aber etwas dagegen haben, dass sie es klauen wollen. Insofern kann man in der Tat gegen Belästigungen sein, aber gleichzeitig darauf abstellen, dass man natürlich schauen darf und es auch okay ist sie anzusprechen.

Young women have vast sexual power. Everyone who is being honest with themselves knows this: Women in their sexual prime who are anywhere near the beauty-norms for their culture have a kind of power that nobody else has. They are also all but certain to lack the wisdom to manage it. Toxic femininity is an abuse of that power, in which hotness is maximized, and victim status is then claimed when straight men don’t treat them as peers.

Frauen haben Macht – das wird vielen Feministinnen schon nicht gefallen. Und dann auch noch einen Mißbrauch der Macht, wenn man sich besonders schön macht und sich dann wundert, wenn Männer darauf reagieren und einen nicht neutral behandeln.

Creating hunger in men by actively inviting the male gaze, then demanding that men have no such hunger—that is toxic femininity. Subjugating men, emasculating them when they display strength—physical, intellectual, or other—that is toxic femininity. Insisting that men, simply by virtue of being men, are toxic, and then acting surprised as relationships between men and women become more strained—that is toxic femininity. It is a game, the benefits of which go to a few while the costs are shared by all of us.

Also:

  • Männer hungrig machen indem man aktiv dafür sorgt, dass sie einen als sexuell anziehend sehen und dann zu verlangen, dass Männer diesen Hunger nicht haben dürfen
  • Männer abzuwerten, wen sie Stärke zeigen, physisch, intellektuell oder auf eine andere Weise
  • Darauf bestehen, dass Männer einfach nur weil sie Männer sind, toxisch sind und dann so tun als würde es einen überraschen, wenn die Beziehung von Männern und Frauen darunter leidet

… ist toxische Weiblichkeit.

Aus meiner Sicht wäre zu dem ersten zu sagen, dass sie sich schon bewußt sein muss, dass Männer die Signale, die sie sendet entsprechend aufnehmen und „hungrig“ werden, sie kann aber natürlich dann – wie ja auch schon oben im Text angeführt – verlangen, dass sie sich dennoch anständig benehmen.

I had a student on one of my study abroad trips who had a perennial problem with clothing. She was never wearing enough of it. She was smart, athletic, and beautiful, but also intent on advertising hotness at all moments. At a field station in a jungle in Latin America, she approached me to complain that the local men were looking at her. The rest of us were wearing field gear—a distinctly unrevealing and unsexy garb. She was in a swimsuit. “Put on more clothes,” I told her. She was aghast. She wanted me to change the men, to talk to them about where to point their eyes. Here in their home, where we were visitors, and one of the gringos had shown up nearly naked, she wanted the men to change.

Dann mach doch die Bluse zu“ in einer anderen Form. Ich würde der Autorin recht geben, dass es an der Frau war, sich entsprechend anders anzuziehen, wenn sie mit dem Verhalten der Männer nicht zurecht kommt. Schon weil in dieser Situation niemand den Männern verbieten kann zu schauen.

The movement that has popularized the term ‘toxic masculinity’ shares tools and conclusions with those who see signs of ‘white supremacy’ everywhere they look. Intersectionalists have in common with one another a particular rhetorical trick: Any claim made by a member of an historically oppressed group is unquestionably true. Questioning claims is, itself, an act of oppression.

This opens the door for anyone who is willing to lie to obtain power. If you cannot question claims, any claim can be made.

Und es muss noch nicht einmal eine bewußte Lüge sein: Es reicht, wenn sie sich immer mehr in nicht existierende Unterdrückungsszenarien hineinsteigern, die tatsächlich nicht bestehen. Es fehlt dann jeder Kontrollmechanismus weg.

Thus: Racism is ubiquitous. And all men are toxic. I object—but objection is not allowed. Everyone who understands game theory knows how this game ends: Innocent people being vilified with false claims, and exposed to witch hunts. Sexual assault is real, but that does not mean that all claims of sexual assault are honest.

Gerade dann, wenn man jedes Korrektiv rausnimmt und es als Unverschämtheit, als Sakrileg, ansieht, wenn es Widerspruch gibt, dann lädt man Mißbrauch ein. Dass Menschen dann wenn sie sich unangreifbar sehen, auch solche Taten begehen, sollte niemanden überraschen – Beispielsfälle gibt es genug.

It is shocking that this bears saying, but there is a world of men who are smart and compassionate and eager to have vibrant, surprising conversations with other people, both men and women. The sex-specific toxicity that I have seen, when it has been obvious, has mostly been in the other court. All men are toxic and all women victims? No. Not in my name.

Eine sehr begrüßenswerte Einstellung, auch weil sie sich gegen eine Entindividualisierung ausspricht und allgemeine Schuldzuweisungen nach Gruppenzugehörigkeit verurteilt.