Frauenromane, weibliche Lust und der Wunsch begehrt zu werden

Passend zum heutigen Beitrag aber auch etwas zur weiblichen Sexualität:

Dazu auch eine interessante Stelle von einer anderen Seite:

Women are used to men wanting sex right away — or sooner, if possible. Your being the one with your legs crossed? Well, it’s like offering a dog a strip of bacon and having him look up and say, „Aww…thanks, doll, but I’m good.“

Now if these women getting angry with you were just lusty, there’s an app for that — one that allows a moderately attractive woman to swipe a sex partner over faster than Domino’s can get there with a pizza. The problem here is female sexual psychology. We all want to be wanted, but research by clinical psychologist Marta Meana finds that women, especially, seem to have an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired. This makes evolutionary sense, in light of women’s need for reliable signs that a guy would stick around after sex to „provide.“ A man having an uncontrollable longing for a particular woman is pretty great insurance — right up there with leg-shackling him to the cave wall.

Not surprisingly, according to research by evolutionary psychologist Patricia Hawley, if there’s catnip for women, it’s those „bodice ripper“ novels. They feature intense male desire for a woman, but not of just any male — a „powerful, resource-holding“ one, like the playboy prince or titan of industry. This alpha god cannot be tamed, until…whoops…up pops our heroine, the apparently ordinary maiden. The hunky royal or CEO is so taken with her unique (and otherwise overlooked) beauty and spirit that he can’t help but grab her and „ravish“ her. Of course, in real life, we call this felony rape. In romance novels, when the guy is uber-rich and cruelly handsome, it’s the start of a beautiful relationship.

So, women’s inability to defeat the time lock on your zipper is telling them something — no, not „Wow…he thinks I’m really worth getting to know,“ but „Wow…he thinks I’m uggo“ and „That two-week sabbatical from Booty Barre has really caught up with me.“ It may help a little to reassure them that you find them wildly attractive — like by „confessing“ that you have to take three cold showers and stare at pictures of steamed vegetables before every date. For you, this is the only possible way to keep from giving them one of those man-scam long hugs that turns into sex…uh, that is, three weeks and four days later.

Das weibliche Begehren begehrt zu werden ist eine interessante Figur. Es setzt voraus, dass sie bereits interessiert ist, dass er für sie einen hohen Wert hat. Dann ist sein „sich gerade und nur bei ihr nicht beherrschen können“ ein Signal für „echtes Interesse“, für Leidenschaft.

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Testosteron, Libido und der „Male Gaze“

 Ich hatte hier schon einmal einmal aus der Aussage des Transsexuellen Griffin Hansburry zitiert, der sich über die Wirkung von Testosteron, gerade auf seinen Sexualtrieb äußerte, zitiert nach einem Buch.

Jetzt habe ich durch Zufall die etwas längere Stelle gefunden, in der er noch einiges mehr anführt:

Alex Blumberg
What were some of the changes that you didn’t expect?

Griffin Hansbury
The most overwhelming feeling is the incredible increase in libido and change in the way that I perceived women and the way I thought about sex.

Before testosterone, I would be riding the subway, which is the traditional hotbed of lust in the city. And I would see a woman on the subway and I would think, she’s attractive. I’d like to meet her. What’s that book she’s reading? I could talk to her. This is what I would say. There would be a narrative. There would be this stream of language. It would be very verbal.

After testosterone, there was no narrative. There was no language whatsoever. It was just, I would see a woman who was attractive– or not attractive. She might have an attractive quality– nice ankles or something– and the rest of her would be fairly unappealing to me.

But that was enough to basically just flood my mind with aggressive pornographic images, just one after another. It was like being in a pornographic movie house in my mind. And I couldn’t turn it off. I could not turn it off. Everything I looked at, everything I touched turned to sex.

I was an editorial assistant. And I would be standing at the Xerox machine, and this big, shuddering, warm, inanimate object would just drive me crazy. It was very erotic to me.

Alex Blumberg
The Xerox machine.

Griffin Hansbury
The Xerox machine. Or a car. I remember walking up Fifth Avenue one day, and this red convertible went by. It was a Mustang. And I remember just getting this jolt in my pants, this very physical, visceral, sexual reaction to seeing a red convertible.

Alex Blumberg
What did you do with that? I mean, what did you think?

Griffin Hansbury
Well, I felt like a monster a lot of the time. And it made me understand men. It made me understand adolescent boys a lot. Suddenly, hair is sprouting and I’m turning into this beast. And I would really berate myself for it.

I remember walking up Fifth Avenue, and there was a woman walking in front of me. And she was wearing this little skirt and this little top. And I was looking at her ass. And I kept saying to myself, don’t look at it. Don’t look at it. And I kept looking at it.

And I walked past her. And this voice in my head kept saying, turn around to look at her breasts. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. And my feminist, female background kept saying, don’t you dare, you pig. Don’t turn around. And I fought myself for a whole block, and then I turned around and checked her out.

And before, it was cool. When I would do a poetry reading, I would get up and I would read these poems about women on the street. And I was a butch dyke, and that was very cutting edge. And that was very sexy and raw. And now I’m just a jerk.

[LAUGHTER]

So I do feel like I’ve lost this edge, this nice, avant garde kind of–

And I’ve gotten into a lot of arguments with women friends, coworkers who did not know about my past as a female. I call myself a post-feminist. And I had a woman say, you’re not a post-feminist. You’re a misogynist. And I said, that’s impossible. I can’t be a misogynist. I couldn’t explain to her how I had come to this point in my life. And to her, I was just a misogynist. And that’s unfortunate because it’s a lot more complicated than that.

Alex Blumberg
[LAUGHTER] I’ll say. Wow. Testosterone didn’t just turn you into a man. It turned you into Rush Limbaugh.

Griffin Hansbury
I know. That I was not expecting. That I was not expecting.

Ich finde die Wirkung von Testosteron, gerade auch bei Transsexuellen, aber auch bei sonstiger Einnahme, macht deutlich, wie die Biologie in unsere Denkweise eingreift. Ich verweise insoweit auch auf die anderen Artikel dazu in diesem Blog:

Es spricht dagegen, dass diese Verhaltensweisen durch eine patriarchale Gesellschaft erlernt sind, allenfalls ist das Unterdrücken dieser erlernt, eben weil es als höflich gilt, nicht zu schauen.

Testosteron führt insofern vielleicht zu einer höheren Anfälligkeit für sexuelle Signale, wahrscheinlich gerade optische Signale. Vielleicht ist es auch schlicht eine Folge der höheren „Geilheit“, dass diese mit einer höheren Priorität wahrgenommen werden.

Die Biologie übt hier nicht im engeren Sinne eine Kontrolle über unser Handeln aus, wir haben nach wie vor einen freien Willen und können uns entscheiden eine Frau nicht „anzustarren“.  Aber sie verändert unsere Motivation zu einem bestimmten Verhalten und dies kann so stark sein, dass wir das Gefühl haben, dass wir die bestimmte Handlung einfach durchführen müssen. Dazu noch einmal seine genaue Schilderung

And I walked past her. And this voice in my head kept saying, turn around to look at her breasts. Turn around. Turn around. Turn around. And my feminist, female background kept saying, don’t you dare, you pig. Don’t turn around. And I fought myself for a whole block, and then I turned around and checked her out.

„ich kämpfte gegen mich selbst für einen ganzen Block und drehte mich dann um, um sie mir anzuschauen“ gibt gut wieder wie die Biologie in dieser Hinsicht arbeitet.

Das Gefühl an sich, nämlich „ich drehe mich erst etwas später um, damit es nicht so auffällt“ dürften auch die meisten Männer kennen. Auch die Selbstüberredung und Rechtfertigung, die mit biologischen Motivationen zusammenhängt werden die meisten kennen „Ich schau nur ganz kurz, ich bin weit genug weg, sie wird es gar nicht auf sich beziehen“ oder „ich habe heute eh kaum was gegessen, der Tag war so anstrengend, ich habe mich die Schokolade wirklich verdient, ich hole die Kalorien morgen wieder rein“.

Das ihm selbst sein Verhalten so ungewöhnlich erscheint macht auch den Unterschied zwischen Männern und Frauen deutlich.