Flirttipps für Frauen: „The Rules“

Ein Buch mit Flirttipps für Frauen ist „The Rules“. Die Autorinnen besprechen in einem Interview die damals dargelegten Regeln und was sich verändert hat:

Avi: In your book The Rules for Online Dating, you make it clear that under all circumstances, the man should contact the woman first. Are there any exceptions?

E&S: No exceptions. A woman cannot email, or even wink at a guy’s profile, without becoming the aggressor and possibly getting hurt down the line when the guy dumps her for the woman whose profile he really likes. The only way to be sure that a guy is interested is to let him make the first move. If you have something exceptional in common, he has to notice that, and contact you first. The rare exception we have found is when a woman “beats a guy to the punch” by answering his ad first and later finds out that he was about to answer hers, but hadn’t gotten around to it. This is very rare and nothing we recommend. 

Also ihn jagen lassen. Aus meiner Sicht etwas streng, ein Ansprechen auf die richtige Art kann zumindest Interesse signalisieren und ihm das Ansprechen erleichtern. Aber es macht einen eben auch angreifbarer.

Avi: One of the more famous Rules says one should “Never call men and rarely return their calls.” I truly believe that men in under age 30 (because of instant gratification via technology) won’t call back if you neglect to return their calls. Do you agree or disagree?

E&S: Disagree. If you don’t call back, a guy will try again by calling, texting, emailing, or Instant Messaging you. In the beginning of the relationship, it is best not to call back as calling shows a lot of interest. You can text or email back that you got his message and are having a crazy, busy day so he knows you are interested. Guys are surprisingly resourceful and will call again or figure out another avenue of technology to reach you.

Sie vertreten also die Linie, dem Mann die kalte Schulter zu zeigen und ihn für die Beziehung rackern zu lassen. Allenfalls ein kurzes Zeichen, wonach er sich wieder darum kümmern muss, den Kontakt zu halten. Also auch hier eine Form des Sich-Rar-Machens, damit man wertvoller erscheint.

Aus einem anderen Artikel dazu:

For Rules Girls, weekends are the ‚blackout period‘. You’re busy and therefore unreachable.

There are a couple of other critical factors with texting: never, ever double text (write twice before he responds once) and always respond with fewer words than he’s texted to you. So if he writes, ‚Do you want to go out sometime?‘ you should write back: ‚Sure, that sounds like fun.‘

Do not write, ‚Sure, that would be great. Work is manic, but I am free this Thursday night and all weekend and I know a really cool restaurant.‘ You’ll sound desperate.

Also auch hier: Den Eindruck erwecken, dass man viel zu tun hat, beliebt ist, einen hohen Wert hat, nicht auf ihn wartet. Aus einem weiteren Artikel:

„The Rules are about boundaries and self-esteem,“ says Schneider. „That is not repressive: that is called self-control and smart, effective behaviour.“

„We are feminists,“ adds Fein. „But men and women are biologically different. We say go ahead and run a marathon and buy a condo and start a new business, just don’t chase guys. It’s not good or bad, it just doesn’t work.“

Such is the crisis that constant contact has caused in our consciousness that Fein and Schneider have also created a chart in the new book that will tell you how long to wait before you text a man back (hint: the lag period increases, the older and supposedly wiser you are, and leave at least four hours before replying to man’s initial text, whatever your age).

„Don’t text him back immediately… Write fewer words than he does… Never double text,“ they suggest.

„If you want more from a guy, give less.“

Und zu den Fehlern der Männer:

Q. What’s the biggest dating mistake that men make today?

Sherrie: Most guys don’t make dating mistakes. They chase the women they want, and ignore the ones they don’t want. But it wouldn’t hurt to open a car door for a lady… oh, and please send her flowers on her birthday or Valentine’s Day! Guys have occasionally complained to us that they asked women out by Wednesday for a Saturday date and still got turned down, and then they blamed The Rules for these women being impossible for them to get. We’ve nicely explained to these men that if you ask a woman out in advance and she still says “no,” she is not doing something she that learned from reading The Rules — she just isn’t interested, and you need to move on. Rules Girls are hard to get, but they’re not impossible to get!

Und im gleichen Artikel zu Schwierigkeiten bei der Umsetzung:

Q. Which Rules have you had the toughest time following in your own current or past dating lives? Have you ever broken a Rule — or been tempted to break one?

Ellen: We’re both happily married, but like most women, we love to talk, so being mysterious and ending conversations first was always a bit of a challenge. Ultimately, we found that talking less, listening more and ending things first made for better dates. Men find women who are light and breezy (whether by design or by accident) refreshing, and guys love a breath of fresh air. When we appeared on Anderson Cooper’s show Anderson Live in January, he quipped that if he sent a woman one text, he got 20 texts back. With men, less is always more.

Also bloß nicht so viel reden und dafür unbeschwert erscheinen.

Die ursprünglichen Regeln sind wohl die Folgenden:

  • Be a creature unlike any other
    Possess a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe
  • Go to parties and events even if you don’t feel like it
    You won’t meet Mr Right sitting at home
  • It’s a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out
    If he never asks you out, he’s not interested
  • In an office romance, do not email him back unless it is business related
    You never know who has access to your emails
  • In a long-distance relationship, he must visit you three times before you visit him
    It’s the equivalent of three dates, so no sex or sleep-overs either
  • When placing a personal ad online, wait for men to respond to you
    Men should always pursue women first
  • If he does not call, he is not interested
    Bottom line
  • Don’t date a man for over two years
    You’ve already spent more than a year waiting for him to propose; do you have another year to wait?
  • Observe his behaviour so you don’t end up with Mr Wrong
    Is he cheap? Or overly critical?
  • Keep doing the rules even when things are slow
    Take care of yourself, take a bubble bath and build up your soul with positive slogans like ‚I am a beautiful woman. I am enough.

Also schon ein relativ konservativ auf Beziehung und Heirat ausgerichtetes Regelwerk