Ein „profeministischer Vater“ (also ein männlicher Feminist, der es aber so genau nimmt, dass er sich nicht selbst als Feminist bezeichnet, weil er ja ein Mann ist) zu seinen Erlebnissen beim Vatersein (via):
Most shocking of all, I think the power in our relationship started to inexorably tilt in my direction, as perhaps it always did, as we became parents. Even when I took time off of paid work to serve as my son’s primary caregiver, the tilt continued. It didn’t seem, and still doesn’t seem, to matter what I want or decide—I just kept growing more powerful in the relationship.
What do I mean by power? In this context, we might say it’s the ability to do and say what we want and need to do or say. From this perspective, we’ve both lost power: Parenthood constrains our choices in countless ways, which I don’t think I need to explain to other parents.
But there is no question, absolutely none, that my wife has lost more power than I have. This won’t surprise moms who are reading this, but it certainly surprised me.
The biggest reason for this, I would say, is that I have simply not been as absorbed by the physical and emotional demands of caregiving, even when I was primary caregiver; and at this writing, I am the one who is making most of the money and feels most driven to advance in my so-called career (…)
Think about the implications: If a guy like me—who has every good intention and a history of profeminist activism, and who even served a stint as a stay-at-home dad—is failing at the task for forging an egalitarian family, then what does that tell us about the prospects of wider social change?
Also er hat gemerkt, dass durch das Kind alles wieder in die alte Rollenverteilung wechselte. Und noch nicht einmal er, mit seiner profeministischen Einstellung konnte das verhindern.
Zur Rollenverteilung und den Tätigkeiten:
It’s all very well to talk about universal health care and parental leave and so on—but who will take the baby to the doctor? What do you say when a breastfeeding mother just wants to stay home and take care of her baby? Do you condemn her, as some have done, for being insufficiently feminist? Or do you say society and the economy made her do it, thereby denying the importance of her perception of what she needs and what the baby needs?
And what about the fathers? Are their feelings and needs irrelevant? What happens when a father yearns to stay home with his child, but can’t, because his wife wants to be the one to do that and he has to earn the money? Or what if he does stay home, and spends his days feeling like a fish out of water? No social movement can help him; feminism can tell him that he’s doing the right thing—God knows, nothing else in our culture will—but that won’t matter much to the average stay-at-home dad. He mainly needs a supportive community as well as role models.
Interessant finde ich hier auch den Satz, dass er zwar zuhause bleiben will, aber nicht kann, weil es die Mutter ebenfalls will. Es ist nicht klar, ob er meint, dass der Mann sich dann nicht durchsetzen kann oder er nur entgegenstehende Willen verdeutlichen will.
Mir scheint er viel zu ideologisch. Er scheint mir die Frage der Kindererziehung mehr unter dem Gesichtspunkt von „was muss man machen, um die Rollen nach dem feministischen Ideal zu verteilen?“ zu sehen und eine davon abweichende Aufgabenverteilung nicht als optimale Lösung zu sehen. Dabei sollte es ja letztendlich darum gehen, was beide Partner wollen, nicht was sie wollen sollten. Weder in die eine noch in die andere Richtung.